I was looking for a job and then I've found the job

I think getting fired is comparable with breaking up with a boy/girlfriend.

First of all, it's not something that just happens. There's always a prelude, you start feeling it's gonna happen, like that feeling you have when you feel stormy wind and see a blackened sky - even though you just realize the signals after it happens.
You have the intuition something is about to happen, but you just prefer to ignore that and go on with the routine.

Then there is the fatal moment of "Can we talk for a moment?" You get shrives down your spine, you heart becomes a mad woodpecker and it seems there's something between you and the reality that's making everything too real. You KNOW the content of this conversation you're about to have, but you just try to convince yourself that's something else.
It's the moment of the arguments, reasons, explanations. All in vain. You are given no options and you end up just wanting to never see the person (or persons, depending on the company) again. But along comes the bureaucracy.

In case of a breakup, you need to get your things back and there's always something left that will make you see the person again.
In case of getting fired - and that's all what this post is about - you need to come back to clean your desk, to leave you documents, to get your documents, then there's something wrong with one of them and you have to come back there. Once. Twice. For the third time. For the tormenting fourth time. (that's where I am now, I'm praying is the last one and it's leading me into a long and anxious insomnia).

A couple of days/weeks after you have that mixed bitter happy feeling of freedom, but your not quite sure if it's good or bad, and just in order to feel comfortable and secure again, you wish never to have got fired/dumped from the beginning, even if everything and everyone is telling it was the best thing that happened to you.

*A post titled by a The Smiths song has always to be - on principle - a mourning one. Sorry.

Here I go again on my own

Ok, I couldn't post after more than 6 months without a bit of drama. A simple "I'm back" title would be boring and inexpressive: I really needed a tacky sentence form a tacky song that would be stuck in your head at least for the rest of the day.

Well, the point is I'm back. I'm back studying for teaching, I'm back teaching, I'm back to college for post graduation. The only thing that's not back is the idealization of a life inside an office from 9 to 6. I had the experience, I was even enjoying it, but it's just not enough for me.

Not being able to set my schedule, being forced to stay indoors even if I've produced enough for the day, having only one financial source...that's just not for me. I just don't fit, I think. I'm too lazy for that.

Anyway, I was kind of my option to come back. If I hadn't been fired, I would have been working though inertia. That shook me over. Let's just see if I've made the right choice this time. No drama, no regrets.